A Dark World Aches For a Splash of the Sun
by We-All-Have-Scars
Summary: The song 'Cough Syrup' doesn't only apply to Karofsky's situation.  Warning: Possible triggering. Includes detailed imagery of self-harming and suicidal actions. Reader discretion advised.


Kurt stalked out of the room, not turning back despite Joe's and Mercedes's insistent pleads. "What does she think she knows?'' he muttered to himself, vision blurring slightly as he blindly made his way down the empty corridor. "Her biggest problem could have been prevented with a damn condom. I've been screwed since birth." Stopping at his locker to retrieve some books, his phone buzzed with a message from Blaine reading, 'Auditorium, five minutes?' Pondering at it slightly, he slammed his locker shut, not even bothering to get his school textbooks. Swinging his bag over his shoulder, he winced slightly at the contact it made on his back, then hurried his way to his boyfriend.

Making his way up the stage, he noticed the way Blaine's stature was stiff, rigid. He also took into account his curled up fists, and knew that Blaine would need a release on his punching bag when he got home. Tentatively approaching him, Kurt whispered, "You okay? You seemed upset." Blaine simply shrugged in response, still trying to stay as nonchalant as possible. Kurt took a breath, steadying himself, and continued, "And if Sebastian thinks-"

"Forget about Sebastian!" Blaine said, whipping around. Seeing the stunned look on Kurt's face, Blaine softened his voice and whispered, "I'm not mad at you. I just don't want to waste any more time on him. I want to focus on winning. I've got a new song I want to try out. The theme for Regionals is 'Inspiration', and I think this fits the bill. You want to hear it?"

Kurt simply raised an eyebrow, slightly intrigued to hear what his boyfriend seemed so passionate about. Settling on a stool, Kurt watched as the lights dimmed and the opening notes rang out.

Three minutes later, the stage was lit once again, and right as Blaine was about to ask for his opinion, the question got caught in his throat. There Kurt was, curled inward on the stool, shaking with sobs. "Kurt!" Blaine yelled, skidding to a stop right in front of his boyfriend, grabbing at his face and forcing their eyes to meet. "Kurt, sweetie, please look at me. Please, babe, please."

Slowly removing his trembling hands from his face, Kurt looked up at the other, eyes raw and bloodshot and lips slightly bloody from gnawing on them so much. "It hurts so much," he whispered, voice quavering lightly.

Blaine furrowed his eyebrows, a mixture of sorrow and frustration. "Kurt….Kurt, what hurts?"

Not trusting his voice, Kurt turned his back to Blaine. Before his boyfriend could question his motives, Kurt eased the back of his shirt up, fresh tears pouring down his face.

_The early September heat soaked right through him as he lay in the dumpster, reeling from the wafting smells around him. Now more than any time before, he wished he could just disappear. The jocks had left ages ago, and the school parking lot was nearly vacant. Slowly crawling out, he limped to his car, speeding home as quickly as possible. Running straight into his bedroom, he slammed the door shut and turned toward his vanity. Lifting the hem of his shirt up, he gasped when he saw the swelled black and blue marks ghosting from his lower back up toward his ribcage, where huge gashes from broken glass had pierced his skin. Closing his eyes, he shuddered, fell to the floor, and cried more than he'd ever in his life._

"Ku-Kurt," Blaine whispered, voice cracked and broken. "Oh God, Kurt."

"There's-there's more," he responded quietly, violently shaking as he turned so his front was toward Blaine.

_ The fight between Finn and his father had been long over, but Kurt stayed where he was, looking brokenly around at the bedroom that had lead Finn to the breaking point. The tears began to fall as Kurt replayed their argument over and over, but only one word stuck out in his mind; 'Fag'. His body racking from his retained emotions, he darted into his bathroom and quietly shut the door, leaning against the frame. He closed his eyes, and finally allowed himself to break down. "Now he'll-now he'll never lo-love me," Kurt gasped, trying desperately to gain control but losing more as every second passed. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw his razor glinting in the bright fluorescent lights. Without hesitation, he locked the door, procured the blade, and lifted his shirt. No noise could be heard except the occasional gasp here and there, until finally he collapsed onto the tiled floor, bloody and drained with that foul word carved into his skin._

"That's…that's why I asked Mr. Shue for the guys to-to wear the cover-ups for the 'We Found Love' number," he whispered as Blaine whimpered next to him. "I never, ever wanted anyone to see…to see my hipbone and…and the scar."

"Oh Kurt," Blaine cried, pulling him into a hug. "Please, please don't ever think for a **second** that you're…that you're **'that word'**. EVER."

"That's not even the worst of it, Blaine," Kurt sighed, his red eyes catching the others tear-stained hazel ones.

_ Kurt clamped his mouth down into the pillow, screaming as loud as he possibly could. He felt dirty, soiled, DISGUSTING. Touching a hand to his bruised lips, he looked over at his closet. Rummaging through it, he found an old belt. Sliding his desk chair over beneath the ceiling fan, he half-murmured, half-sobbed to himself, "He can never touch me again." But before the belt was fully wrapped around his slender neck, he paused as he heard a text message buzz in. _

'_Courage - Blaine'_

_Taking a deep, gulping breath, Kurt lowered himself from the chair, retrieved his phone, and waited patiently for a moment. After slight hesitation, an operator answered._

"_Hello, this is the Trevor Project. How may we help you?"_

"_Hi," Kurt murmured, tears tracking down his cheeks. "I want to…I want to kill myself."_

"You never told me you wanted to kill yourself," Blaine whispered, glancing slightly at his boyfriend's face.

"I didn't want to seem weak," Kurt mouthed back, so quietly that it shattered Blaine's heart into a million pieces once again.

Losing all composure, Blaine leaned forward, cupping Kurt's face and kissing him softly on the lips. "You are never, ever weak, Kurt," he said, making sure their eyes met the entire time. "You are the strongest, bravest, most compassionate person I have ever met." Wiping away the tears with the pad of his thumb, Blaine pulled Kurt close, hands raking gently through his hair as he said, "Come on, let's go home. I think it's time we listen to your favorite pick-me-up song."

Kurt's eyes perked a little up at that, whispering tentatively, "Will you sing it to me? I love the sound of your voice, even if it is another Pink rendition."

Blaine laughed shakily, kissing his boyfriend once more, and replied, "Your wish is my command."

The two stood, and Blaine made sure Kurt was securely wrapped around his waist before heading out of the auditorium.

"Blaine?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

Even though he knew what his boyfriend would say, it still made his heart skip a beat as he felt Blaine smiling slightly against his cheek and heard his whispered, "I love you too."


End file.
